Welcome to the personal homepage of

GURU GOBLIN PRINCE

Saint, Pundit, Peer, Maharaaja, Astrologer, Soothsayer, Enchanter, Telepathetic and Psychic Healer (OWNER, RULER, LORD, KING, EMEPEROR AND PRINCE OF CRAZYHOROSCOPES)

EXPERT AT REMOVING BLACK MAGIC AND EVIL DEMONICS

100% GUARANTEED RESULTS!

FOR THOSE AFFECTED BY PARANORMAL, OCCULT AND SPIRITUAL ENTITIES

WE'RE READY TO BELIEVE YOU!

 

Is your asshole of a husband cheating on you with filthy prostitutes again? Are you the victim of the black magic? Have you been cursed by family members for not marrying person of their choice?
Do you worry about the threat of alien terrors? Looking for marriage? Do you need to pull a "passport job" on that rich whore ?
Are you afraid of Rushian spys? Are you posessed by demons, ghosts or mandrills?
Are ur gangsta-wannabe kids listening to rap music, smoking crack and injecting heroin behind your back? Are you a victim of nigerian mail scam?

TRUUE FACT: 99.3% OF EDUCATED PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW THAT WITCHCRAFTS AND BALCK MAGIC IS VERY BAD AND CAN ACTAULLY DO MORE DAMAGE THAN A SNAKE OR AN OWL!

Black Magix is dangerous and can make you deaded and destroy your loved ones!

I am great doctor of parapsychology and have over 30 years experience in selling ivory and dealing with people from all walks of life. From personal problems to family issues, I can help you achieve success, inner peace, healing and happiness. As a qualified telepathetic psychic healer I can help those in need in the following areas.

 

I provide cotton string amulets and trinkets of many colour from many sources in world.

UPDATE: For those interested I have cotton from Belgian prostitute's underwear which is especially good if you are planning on travelling by sea as it protects against giant squids. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP YOU MORRONS DON'T REALISE HOW SERIOUS AND REAL THIS IS, YOU CAN BECOME DEADED IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFULLL!!!!

DON'T JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. READ SOME OF THE TESTIMONIALS FROM HAPPY CUSTOMERS BELOW AND MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND

Dear Guru

I want to thank you for your amazing service! My life was being made hell by my cheating bitch of a wife who was secretly stealing money from my bank account and using it to buy wooden ornaments and treasure chests for her boyfriend (who turned out to be my younger Brother). Within 48 hours of contacting you, my wife's head fell off, my mischievious Brother turned into a maggot and all the stolen money had been mysteriously returned to my bank account. Thank you so much!

- Mr D. Kilroy, Greater London

Dear Guru Sahib

Thank you for all your help! I was very nearly going to commit suicide after staying awake all night for 12 weeks worrying about a potential alien terror abducting me and getting me pregnant with their mutant babies. Calling you was the best thing I ever did! That black-cotton charm bracelet which you sent me in the post is always around my wrist and I can rest assured that no aliens will be giving me an anal probe or getting me pregnant, thanks to the yoghurt enema manual you sent me! I owe you my grattitude and my life!!

- Miss S. Khan

Dear Guruji

I want to thank you sincerely for what you have done for me. When my dog started behaving strangely, I didn't know what to think. He was eating laxatives, messing up my carpets, humping my leg and waking me up on a morning by sticking his cold nose up my bum. All the vets said there was nothing wrong with him but I knew different. After a few cups of Nescafe and lot of thinking I realised this must be the work of a filthy demon who had somehow possessed my canine friend, and was making him do things he didn't want to do. Thats when I called you. You were the first person to lend me a sympathetic ear and listen to my problem. Thanks for the string charm necklace! I inserted it up his rectum as you instructed and within 24 hours he was back to normal. Now my dog just sits around the house and burns yoghurt all day. Thanks you so much!

- Mrs R. Ghulam

Hey Guru!

Thanx 4 bein on my half life counterstrike team. We totally pwn3d those fags!!11111 U R totally 1337!!! C U on world of warcraft this weekend!!!

- SliMeSKuLL-2K

Dearest Guru

I feel so much better after consulting you for your help. Black magic was destroying my life and my career thanks to those filthy no-good snakes who I am ashamed to call my family. I thought nothing would rid me of the curse they put on me for refusing to marry a retarded monkey boy from my home country, but after talking to you, I realised there was a hope in hell.

You work quickly professionally. As soon as I'd sent you the naked pics of me you requested, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my life has been great ever since! The curse has gone and I've never felt so alive and its all thanks to you!!

Thank you so much! You truly are an amazing person and thanks to you I burn yoghurt every single day!

- Miss S. Adams

Dearest Mr Guru

I didn't think anything could stop my son from listening to filthy heavy metal music, but I'm so glad I gave you a call! I'm a single Mother (with NO husband) so if you ever need anything (and I do mean ANYTHING) please feel free to stop by. Thanks!

- Miss G. Abraham

 

PLEASE READ MY STORY

Now that you've heard other people's story let me tell you mine. I used to believe that black magics was not real and that everyone who practised this art was a fraud and hoaxser. Then one day whislt I was collecting leaves a demon appeared before me and cast a spell which caused me to sprout giant tentacles from my nipples but I still didnt believe in Blanx magic.. In short, I was a closed-minded filthy stinking cow-swine who was no better than a lizard with a Myra Hindly haircut. Then one day I decided to believe in black magic because I was feeling bad because I thought I was going to become deaded. So I filled out the form in the back of the comic book and sent my $10 to black magic removal academy and I got my guru certificate in the post the very next day with several cotton threads and trinkets and a manual on how to remove eviL witchcrafts spells and the blackmagic. Now I am no longar afraid of demons freezing my gentials with black magix. I help people all round the world to remove black magic, I burn yoghurt and catch ghosts in bottles and I also write horoscopes and artcles for the crazyhoroscopes website.

 

Balck Magix is REAL and demon REALLY exist in earth, I tell you TRUTH!!

 

BEWARE THE EVIL AYE!!!

Evil eyes are REAL and can break your life and finances and marriage and childrens

I HAVE EXPERIENCE IN REMOVAL EVEL EYES FROM PEROSNS AFFECTED BY SUCH EVIL POWERS. YES ITS TRUE THERE ARE BAD {PEOPLE ON EARTH WHO WHO AFFECT EVIL EYES ON INNOCENT PEOPLE!!! ITS HARD TO BELIEVE THIS IS ANYTHING BUT TRUE

 

HEAVY METALS MUSIC IS EVIL!!

DO N)OT LISTENS TO HEAVY METLS MUSIC. THIS DIRTY MUSIC IS DIRTY AND IS THE WORK OF THE DEVILS AND THE SATANS AND IS BOTH THE CAUSE AND EFFECT AND RESULT AND SOLUTION OF EVIL EYE WHICH MAKES DEMON ENTER YOUR HEAD AND MAKE YOU DO SUICIDE, FEEL EMOTIOANLLY BAD AND SEE SNAILS EVERYWHERE!!!!

 

my Father used to listen to heavy metals and he started doing odd things like storing eggs in his shoes and drinking bleach through paper straws, But I am good man, and I cured him.


DO NOT BUY GUITAR HEROS FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!!

GUITAR HEROES IS EVIL AND WILL CAUSE EVEL EYE IN your soul and YOU MAY EVEN BECOMME DEADED!!!

I HAVE CAUGHT MANY GHOSTS IN BOTTLES WHICJH I HAVE REMOVED BY BURNING YOGHURT IN FRONT OF AFFECTED PERSON AND BEATING THEM WITH BANANA SKINS. HERE IS A PICTURE TO PROVE IT TO ALL YOU IDIOTS WHO DON'T BELIEVV ME!!

 

THESE FILTHY GHOSTS ARE THE CAUSE OF MARRIAGE PROBLEMS, FINANICAL DIFFICULTIES AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS IN HOME AND MIND> BUT THEY WILL NOT HARM THE SOUL OR CAUSE MISCHEEF IF PUT INSIDE BOTTLE AND BURIED IN EAERTH

I AM EXORCIST!!!!111

I HAVE EXPERIENCE IN EXORSISTING GHOST DEMONICS FROM BODY AND CATCHING IN BOTTLE!!!

 

HERE IS MY DIAGRAM TO EXPLAIN THE UNRENOUNCABLE PROOF AND ALSO PROOVE TO YOU THAT WHAT I AM SAYING IS 100% TRUE FACTS

PLEASE PRINT THIS OUT AND STUDY THE DIAGRAM IN YOUR HOME TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH.

IF you are feeling bad within your heart then you must read my horoscopes and be within happiness. CLICK HEREE >>> HOROSCOPES

 

SO CALL NOW!

555 6969

I promise to solve all your problems within 48 hours or your money back!!!

Calls cost $2 per minute. All calls are subject to a $3.99 connection charge.

I also give email readings and consultations via MSN chat. You can contact me at: sexyladyboyyy1337-201442@msn.com
Email consultations are charged at $30 per email. MSN chat is $50 per half hour.

**8SPECIAL OFFER *** A free CD writer pen, mousemat and 256GB thumbdrive for every caller. Whislt stocks last.

YOU NO LONGER NEED SUFFER FROM BLACK MAGIX
CALL NOW AND RECLAIM YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MIND!

CONTINUE