Hilarious horoscopes and love matches from the UK! http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com Mon, 18 Mar 2013 13:20:59 +0000 http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/images/title-tiny.gif http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=1 Mars is in the second house which means you should start looking ways to sprout tentacles from your eyeballs. Do not chew... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=2 As Venus aspects Saturn this could be a good time to freeze yourself in a block of ice. The afterwards, you can brighten... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=3 Stop trying to cross-fertilize camels with deer spleens! Have you wondered why there are so many giant lemons flying over... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=4 The new moon means you are likely to confuse cucumbers for bobcats. This could spell catastrophe when it comes to science... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=5 The Sun is weak which is the reason why your mother in law has gone to live in the sewer after being adopted by mutant cabbages.... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=6 Mercury is in a good phase but this is no excuse to electrocute yourself by wearing socks made from electric eels. This will... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=7 Gangs of naughty leprechauns have stolen all the plasma from your blood which is why your hair has turned blue. This is just... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=8 Gooseberries will make you pregnant - unless you are a woman in which case they will make all your spoons turn into mice.... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=9 Jupiter has a preference for people with hairy toenails. Staple a block of jelly to your nipples and pretend you own an oil... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=10 You seem to be coating yourself in glue and rolling around in tomato seeds a lot recently. As well as bringing luck this... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=11 The last person who drew giraffes on your stomach mysteriously melted into a puddle of goo. This is a great time to be an... http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/display-horoscope.php?id=12 Neptune has entered a bad phase! Don't glue live goats to your toilet seat, as this will be extremely uncomfortable if you...