Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Tell Me About You. Who Are You?
I'm a 6 foot tall guy, I live in the UK. I have nice shoes, clean teeth and I get along great with my Mother. Any more questions?
Q: What Is This Stupid Website About?
Its a website devoted to the historical preservation of moose antlers by inserting them up a hibernating bear's rectum, what do you think?
Q: How Do You Come Up With Such Crazy Material? Are You Genuinely Stupid Or Something?
It takes practice darlin', I'm a professional! :) *flutters eyelids*
Q: Your Website Offends People! It should be banned! How Would YOU Like To Receive Angry Emails From All My Astrology Loving Friends?!!
How would YOU like to suck my balls?!!
Q: My Respected Psychic Astrologer Friend Thinks You're a Fraud
I AM a fraud!
Q: Do You Genuinely Have Something Against Astrology?!
No. Lighten up and have some fun you moron.
Q: Why Is Your Site So Anti-Male?
You're obviously one mentally insecure pussy if you can't handle a simple joke. Those one-liners are there due to popular demand from the majority of visitors who happen to be women. I bet if they were blonde jokes you would lapping them up like a puppy and sending them out to all your friends. Get some balls and a spine, you wuss!
Q: I Have a Crazy Dream For Your Dreams Section. Can I Send You It?
Feel free to send whatever you want, but I'll only publish it if its really funny.
Q: Can I List Your Site In My Magazine or Website?
Hey its a free country meatball, so feel free to do what you like.
Q: Please May I Use Your Work/Images As Part Of a Commercial Magazine/Newspaper/TV Programme?
Email me and let me know the details. I don't really mind you using stuff so long as its my own work and not some licensed image. If you published that, you could potentially get into trouble by the original copyright holder, so just email me just to check first.
Q: Why Are You Called The Goblin Prince?
Because "The Screaming-Chimp-On-A-Stick Prince" sounded silly.
Q: Why Do You Hide Behind a Shroud of Secrecy and Mystery?
I get some really creepy emails from the occasional obsessed, psychotic girl telling me about her sex habits, the size of her vibrators or giving me her number and insisting that I call her (yeah right like I'm actually gonna call someone!). Now you know why I protect my personal details.
Q: My Workplace/School/College/University Has Banned Your Site! How On Earth Do I Access It Now?
Your IT dept is obviously run by a bunch of incompetent, clueless monkeys who have classified this site as 'personal'. This site is officially classed as 'entertainment','government','charity' and 'educational'. The chances those moronic overweight roly-polys have only banned the main .com domain. If this is the case, then you can still access the site using 3 other domains, 2 of which have a dash separators. www.crazy-horoscopes.com, www.crazyhoroscopes.co.uk and www.crazy-horoscopes.co.uk. This will work so long as your network administrators haven't read this FAQ. Your only other alternative is to view it using your cellphone to access the mobile version of this site which can be found at http://mobile.crazyhoroscopes.com. I've been told by a geeky friend of mine you can even access the site via a proxy. Don't ask me what that is cos I don't know and frankly I don't give a rats ass
Q: Your Whole Site is Pink. Are You Gay Or Something?
I'm not gay - I just dress gay thats all.
Q: How Did You Create That 3D Animation With The Ladies In The Bathroom?
I didn't create it. It just magically appeared on my desk one morning with a note attached, saying "This is for all those sexual favours you let me give you. Lots of Love. Anita The Mono-Breasted Goatgirl. xxx".
Q: I Really Love You And Want To Be Your Friend And Talk To You! Can I?
Yes you can, but if you plan to stalk me, please let me know in advance. Thank you.
Q: Will You Take Me Out On a Date and Buy Me Stuff And Treat Me Like a Princess?
Yes your royal brattiness, I'd love nothing more than to cut off my balls and give them to you so you can put them in your purse and control me.