Pisces

Personality: You are secretive and secluded which means you will never tell anyone if you grow mushrooms out of your butt and suddenly combust into a fury of blue sparks. You are extremely sensitive to any form of custard-based eyeliner and will repeatedly say the words "I Love Bananas" for 2 years, if exposed to such products. You can often be found underneath floorboards pretending to be a termite, and will not hesitate to set off your pet mutant mosquito off on people who call you Lactose Intolerant.

Career: A Pisces, would make a great 'Creative Stain Artist'. This type of person is often employed by homeless people to paint dirt and urine stains into their jeans and jackets. A skilled creative stain artist can also paint in bruises and wounds into the homeless person's body. Just beware, that the homeless person will be paying you in turnips and not actual money. The homeless industry is the biggest in the world and is worth an annual £350 billion.

Love: Your unique and silly method of attracting a mate is simple and to the point. You wear a pumpkin on your head and run around naked. Strangely enough this seems to attract hordes of retarded tree-mutants who enjoy chasing you around, whilst throwing sardines and dog-biscuits at your head. Your ideal date would be an evening out at the local glue factory, and afterwards, the two of you go back to your place and sit on the couch, calling each other names like "Brown Stain" and "Raging Pimple Moose" all night.